Let’s Celebrate Dia de la Recuperacion!

Let’s Celebrate Dia de la Recuperacion!

Una merienda de Celebración: Día de la Recuperación!   (Scroll down for English!)   Ayer tenia la oportunidad celebrar cinco anos de recuperación de anorexia nervosa con una merienda con amigos, vulnerabilidad, y mucha torta.   Aunque estaba nerviosa antes de que leyera lo que había escrito para la ocasión toda la experiencia—hablando de mi experiencia, promesando públicamente respetar mi misma para siempre, escuchando a otros hablando de las cosas que hicieron por lo cuales están orgullosas, tomando un momento de silencio, y apreciando comida rica con una sonrisa grande—lleno mi corazón y mi alma. Me hizo acordar que todo es posible!   Aca esta lo que lei ayer:   Por qué estamos aca: Mi historia   Hace 5 años sali de una negación profunda cuando me di cuenta de que tuve anorexia nervosa. Aunque no era consciente de eso, me había metido en un trastorno alimenticio por casi un año. Estaba muy preocupada por mi peso y la comida. Ejercitaba demasiado. No comia y no sentía hambre. Menti a mis amigas, a mi familia, y a mi misma para no comer. Pensaba que era muy saludable. Sin embargo, también me odiaba mi misma, no podía sentir emociones, no quería hacer las cosas que antes habían llenado mi vida con alegría, no tenia energía para la vida…en fin no era yo.   Mi nombre significa vida en griego. Mientras tuve anorexia la vida—la Zoe—de mi ser estaba achicando. Hoy quiero recordar y perdonar esa chica…estaba equivocada, tenia mucho para aprender, pero la perdono y la amo totalmente.   Hace cinco años (casi exactamente) empezaba una aventura que me iba...
“Mostly Vegan” in Argentina

“Mostly Vegan” in Argentina

  Being back in Argentina is reminding me that diet fluctuates.   When I travel I eat like the locals…almost.   For me food is an extremely important part of any culture. As both a lover of food and travel I want to immerse myself in the cuisine of each place I visit as fully as possible. However, as a long time vegetarian and a woman recovered from anorexia I find myself asking, how do I find a balance between staying true to my morals, staying healthy, and feeling the culture through food?   Before flying south almost a month ago I was “mostly vegan” and loving it. You’re probably asking, what the heck is “mostly vegan”?   For me becoming vegan was a gradual process. I jumped into the life of vegetarianism at the age of eight when I learned what was in a corndog and subsequently became a small outraged animal-rights activist. I have not looked back since. As I grew up, the health and environmental benefits of a plant-based diet added motivation to continue with my veggie lifestyle. Now, at 23, I’m a vegetarian for a mixture of those reasons as well as a grounded knowledge that I could never kill an animal and a belief that I should therefore not eat one.   I toyed with the idea of being a vegan for years. However, while living on my family’s farm with fresh eggs and goat cheese it just didn’t make sense and in college I worried about other things. Plus, I pride myself on being a good baker and vegan baking did not treat...
Unexpected Adventures of Cherry Jam…

Unexpected Adventures of Cherry Jam…

As the blood red cherry jam pours into the glass jar still boiling hot and wafting the most heavenly of sticky-sweet aromas into the air, I am thrown back in time two days to an unexpected adventure… I step out of the broken doorway and chills run down my spine causing the hair on the back of my neck to rise in caution. Up until this moment exploring the abandoned Patagonian ranch has been fairy-tale like. We happened upon the crumbling buildings during our “Plan B” adventure when “Plan A”s hitchhiking efforts left us miles from where we had hoped to be. We have found old wine bottles in the farmhouse, whose broken windows look out at the gorgeous valley surrounded by snowcapped mountains and green horse-spotted fields. The hand-hewn wooden frame sticks out into the cobalt blue sky as wind whistles in the ancient stone chimney and the bright sun lights the walls with wandering-wondering minds. Who lived here? How did they live? In the second house I imagine the kitchen bustling with preparation even as the paint peels off the shutters and I see a grand meal during a bitter winter in the big long room even though the floor is littered with broken things and animal bones. Pictures of happy times flash across my consciousness. However, now, after finding a skeleton hanging in the washroom I’ve stepped outside and the wind hits me full blast. There are darks clouds cumulating in the west and the sun seems less bright. Mica says that a Puma probably brought the large bones here and…I wonder if there might be...
A Thank you to My Eating Disorder

A Thank you to My Eating Disorder

  People look at me like I’m still suffering from a mental illness when I say that I wouldn’t erase the eating disorder from my life for anything. Perhaps a bit of the crazy does remain, but just the fact that I can say that phrase is because I lived with and, more importantly, recovered from anorexia.   Unknowingly brushing close to death taught me a deep appreciation for life. Gratitude is just one of the many emotions I could not genuinely feel during my disorder. However, it is now one that feeds my replenished life source. Appreciation lights up my life. Recently, I have been reminded by others suffering from severe eating disorders just how lucky I am to be alive. As I travel along that thread of gratitude I once again realize how much the disorder taught me about myself and made me who I am today.   The bulk of my growth and learning came after I pulled away the veil of denial, accepted my diagnosis, and hesitantly stepped into recovery. My illness had wrapped my being tightly in a safe but suffocating embrace of false worth and conditional regard. As I fought the boa constrictor coils holding me together I unintentionally uncovered the insecurities, fears, and holes in my self that the disorder had filled. Thank God! While it was like ripping off a well-worn Band-Aid that had become enmeshed in the skin-essence of my being to reveal an unexpectedly large festering wound beneath, at least the rawness felt authentic. No more hiding behind fake values and desperate attempts at finding self-acceptance and love. Engaging...