Recovery from Anorexia Wholeheartedly
We all struggle against demons on the inside. I don’t know the monsters in your head and heart. However, I do know my own and one has come in the form of anorexia nervosa.
Anorexia Nervosa is a severe mental illness characterized by distorted body image, excessive dieting leading to extreme weight loss, and a pathological fear of becoming fat.
While I now consider myself fully recovered (and have for awhile), I recognize that the disorder has left remnants clinging to my being.
I have learned that the unique combination of my eating disorder past, a propensity towards reflection and self-awareness, an above average understanding of eating disorders through a bio-psycho-social-spiritual model, and a desire to write provide me with a grounding framework to help others learn about eating disorders.
As Brene Brown says, “Stories are data with a soul.” I hope that my telling my stories—by allowing you into the memories of the mind and body of someone with anorexia—you will gain a greater understanding, awareness, and compassion for individuals struggling with these and other mental disorders. We all are fighting demons on the inside; while they may manifest uniquely, they do share similar roots.
I will be sharing my recovery from anorexia in a wholehearted way. My story does not explain all eating disorders but it does give a real, authentic, and vulnerable snapshot of what it means to live with and recover from anorexia nervosa. It will be real. It will be reflective. It will be RAW.
There is an Asshole Living in my Head. I’ve got an asshole living in my head. Ed, the voice of my eating disorder, still inserts his ugly comments into my life sometimes and recently he has been particularly loud. I find myself comparing my body to other women’s bodies and to past versions […]
Spoiler Alert! This post contains plot information from A Beautiful Mind. It is an amazing movie! If you have not seen it, go watch it and then come back to read this post. A Beautiful Mind, an Under-Toad, and Constant Vigilance. In the movie A Beautiful Mind the main character, John Nash, […]
It’s normally dark outside when I look in the mirror naked. Even though my pre-work or pre-bedtime brain is jumbled with sleepiness and fatigue it can still lie to me through the reflective piece of glass before me. This morning, sticky thoughts of body negativity wash over me with the warm water in […]
What would I have wanted to know when I was starting recovery? What would I tell my past self now that I am recovered? What advice or tips do I have for others starting recovery? Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about what it was like to start recovery and what helped me (or […]
Six years ago I began my journey in recovery from anorexia nervosa. Last Sunday I celebrated my recovery with a party! Every year I like to celebrate my recovery around the date that the denial shattered and I realized that I had an eating disorder. That day changed my life. Most years I celebrate […]
Six years ago I was at war with myself. Eighteen years old, getting ready to leave home for college, and totally lost. My journal entries were full of confusion as I realized something was terribly wrong in my life but could not put my finger on what it was. Six years ago I […]