Recovery from Anorexia Wholeheartedly
We all struggle against demons on the inside. I don’t know the monsters in your head and heart. However, I do know my own and one has come in the form of anorexia nervosa.
Anorexia Nervosa is a severe mental illness characterized by distorted body image, excessive dieting leading to extreme weight loss, and a pathological fear of becoming fat.
While I now consider myself fully recovered (and have for awhile), I recognize that the disorder has left remnants clinging to my being.
I have learned that the unique combination of my eating disorder past, a propensity towards reflection and self-awareness, an above average understanding of eating disorders through a bio-psycho-social-spiritual model, and a desire to write provide me with a grounding framework to help others learn about eating disorders.
As Brene Brown says, “Stories are data with a soul.” I hope that my telling my stories—by allowing you into the memories of the mind and body of someone with anorexia—you will gain a greater understanding, awareness, and compassion for individuals struggling with these and other mental disorders. We all are fighting demons on the inside; while they may manifest uniquely, they do share similar roots.
I will be sharing my recovery from anorexia in a wholehearted way. My story does not explain all eating disorders but it does give a real, authentic, and vulnerable snapshot of what it means to live with and recover from anorexia nervosa. It will be real. It will be reflective. It will be RAW.
How did my eating disorder start?
I have a picture on a bulletin board next to my bed. It shows a brown-eyed girl with blond curls tumbling away from her round face in a halo. She looks to be only five or six years old but her gaze strikes me as intuitively wise, confidently determined, and full of questioning wonder.
I have been starving twice in my life. Once unhealthily. Once healthily. This may sound strange and backward so allow me to explain. Unhealthy: t – 5 ½ yrs The first time I starved, I did not know it. Even though many signs pointed to the fact that I was slowly wasting away, […]
I took my shirt off to sit sport’s bra-ed in the sun today and that little eating disorder voice in the back of my head came out of hibernation. “Your tummy looks fat,” he said. I felt my heart sink with the weight. Maybe he was right. I danced in the empty hostel […]
Pinning a Wave Upon the Sand It was like trying to pin a wave upon the sand; I knew there was something wrong but I couldn’t quite grasp the answer. I could feel the wax and wane of unsettling awareness of a problem present just below the surface of my life. Yet, each time […]
Una merienda de Celebración: Día de la Recuperación! (Scroll down for English!) Ayer tenia la oportunidad celebrar cinco anos de recuperación de anorexia nervosa con una merienda con amigos, vulnerabilidad, y mucha torta. Aunque estaba nerviosa antes de que leyera lo que había escrito para la ocasión toda la experiencia—hablando de mi […]
April 2011 “And…I’m going to ask you to not weigh yourself anymore.” My nutritionist throws out the comment nonchalantly and I cringe. So far the meal plan that helps me know that I’m getting the nutrients my underweight body needs and even the possible weight gain she’s proposed haven’t scared me that much. […]